Tuesday, May 11, 2010

king of the world

My ambitions to become King of the World are fading. Number one, I doubt that I could gain the popular vote in a free election. Number two, I'm not aggressive enough to stage a hostile takeover. Number three, I just haven't got the moxy to change one or two. I am gradually developing an election platform though. Click here, here, and here to see what I would do if I were King of the World.

I may never be King, but I might have a shot at Kingmaker. Britain's Lib Dem Leader Nick Clegg knows what that's about. It's when you haven't got enough votes to be King, but no one else does either, so you throw your support behind the leader of your choice on condition that he looks out for your interests. It's a shot at influence that would normally elude a marginal politician (or a blogger on the peripheral edge of the universe). You can read about boring British politics here.

To be the Kingmaker, you have to evaluate the merits of the front runners, and pick one to support. In my case, I would closely examine the Bureaucrats, the Weather Gremlins, the Terrorists, the Starmakers of Livermore, and the Sadistically Demented Evil Computer Barons (all targets of my campaign to reform the world). It would be a tough choice . . . much more difficult that the one Mr. Clegg faces.

I definitely wouldn't choose the Terrorists (something about blowing up women and children doesn't agree with me).

The Bureaucrats would be my second-to-last choice (even though I technically am one, and have made several attempts to delve even deeper into the Dark Side).

The Starmakers look good, but I don't have much faith in their leadership ability (and I wouldn't want to be identified with the guys that accidentally blow the world to smithereens).

That leaves the Weather Gremlins and the Sadistically Demented Evil Computer Barons. I'd probably choose the Weather Gremlins. The Computer Barons are too intent on their own ambition to create mass confusion to agree to a coalition with a lowly blogger.

In every power struggle there are wildcards. Bloggers like Brian and Ginny could easily play a major role in world domination. Calendar guys like Chad are well on the way too, but none of these folks need help from a wannabe kingmaker who lives on the edge of the universe. I'm sticking with the Gremlins.

Speaking of Chad from the Fire Within, he wrote an insightful article on the differences between Canadian and US fire departments, and gave me permission to share it here. It took me a while outwit the evil computer barons and figure out how to link a non-internet based pdf file to my blog, but I think I succeeded. Click here to read the article.

On a totally unrelated topic Captain Kangaroo used to say, "You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you can't fool Mom." I think he stole that from Abe Lincoln or someone, and twisted it around to serve his purpose of conning kids into good behaviour, but it's true nonetheless. This omniscient, omnipresent attribute serves mothers well, but it makes them the most difficult people in the world to surprise. Moms are everywhere, all the time. Which makes Mothers Day an exercise in espionage, with Dad and the kids playing 007.

The surprise this year was a wrought iron sandhill crane that Erinn coveted at a garden shop. We had to purchase it on the sly, smuggle it to the truck, hide it at the fire hall for a week, fend off attempts to visit my office and (accidentally) see it, wrap it undercover, and smuggle it into the house for Sunday morning. Erinn at least pretended to be surprised. James Bond would have been proud.

Come to think of it, maybe that wasn't unrelated. Maybe moms should form a coalition and rule the world . . .

Isn't this supposed to be a firefighting blog?


  1. I've always said if I could sing, I could rule the world :)

    And I'd make a lot of changes 'round here.

  2. When you release your first album, send me a copy. I might even be open to forming a coalition . . . :-)


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